The Art of Active Listening in Relationships
One of my favorite movies—and musicals—of all time is Disney's Moana. There's something truly magical about the moments when Moana connects with her grandmother, Tala. Despite being an animated film, their bond feels incredibly real. Grandma Tala, with her quirky wisdom, basically teaches a masterclass in active listening without us even realizing it. She doesn't just hear Moana's words; she understands her dreams of venturing beyond the reef and creates a safe space where Moana feels seen and supported.
In today's world filled with constant distractions—yes, I'm looking at those incessant notifications—the art of active listening often seems like a lost skill. But if we want to build trust, strengthen emotional intimacy, and communicate effectively in our relationships, it's time to channel a little Grandma Tala energy. Let's explore how mastering active listening can help you create your own unshakeable bonds.
What Is Active Listening?
Active listening isn’t just nodding along while your partner talks about their stressful workday or why the villain in Demon Slayer deserved a redemption arc. It’s about fully focusing on their words, understanding their emotions, and responding in a way that shows you’re present and engaged. And let’s be real—what you say is only half the conversation. Your body language speaks just as loudly as your words. Maintaining eye contact, leaning in slightly, or mirroring their expressions can reinforce emotional connection and signal that you’re truly engaged. In fact, understanding The Role of Body Language in Communication can take your listening skills from basic to expert-level, helping you pick up on the subtle nonverbal cues that reveal what’s really being said.Active listening involves:
Being present: Putting down your phone (even during those “urgent” BeReal alerts).
Empathizing: Understanding and validating their feelings.
Reflecting back: Restating or summarizing their thoughts to show you’re really tuned in.
Why Active Listening Matters in Relationships
When you actively listen, you’re telling your partner, “I’m here, and what you’re saying matters to me.” It builds trust, prevents misunderstandings, and strengthens emotional intimacy. It also helps avoid classic communication pitfalls like interrupting or jumping to conclusions. (Sound familiar? Check out 5 Common Communication Mistakes and How to Avoid Them to dodge these traps.)
How to Practice Active Listening
1. Drop the Distractions
First things first: pause the League of Legends game, close your laptop, and stop scrolling Instagram. Distractions scream, “This convo isn’t important to me.” Giving your partner your full attention—even for a 10-minute check-in—goes a long way.
Pro Tip: Can’t focus in the moment? Let them know: “I really want to hear you—can we talk in 10 minutes so I can give you my full attention?” That small effort speaks volumes.
2. Validate Their Feelings
Let’s say your partner says, “I feel like I’m not good enough at work lately.” Instead of swooping in with solutions or brushing it off, validate their emotions:
“That sounds really tough. I can see why you’d feel that way.”
Reflecting their feelings shows empathy and makes them feel understood.
3. Ask Curious Follow-Up Questions
Active listening isn’t just about hearing—it’s about creating space for deeper connection. Ask open-ended questions like:
“What’s been the hardest part of that?”
“How can I support you right now?”
Questions like these show you care about their perspective and invite them to open up more.
4. Stay Nonjudgmental
Sometimes, your partner just wants to vent without feeling judged. Even if their issue seems small to you (Seriously, that Starbucks barista forgot their oat milk again?), resist the urge to dismiss or minimize it. Listening without judgment builds trust and emotional safety.
5. Summarize to Show You’re Listening
Before moving on, paraphrase what your partner said to confirm you understand. For example:
“So you’re feeling unappreciated because your efforts at work aren’t being recognized. Did I get that right?”
This small step shows that you’re not just listening—you’re truly absorbing what they’re saying.
The Grandma Tala Standard of Listening
What made Grandma Tala such a great listener wasn’t just her words—it was her ability to make Moana feel understood, even when her dreams seemed impossible to others. Active listening is about giving your partner that same sense of validation and encouragement. When you show up with empathy and attention, you’re not just hearing their words—you’re saying, “I’m here for you.”
And if communication feels like it’s hitting rough waters, don’t miss 5 Common Communication Mistakes and How to Avoid Them for tips to keep things smooth.
Listening is Loving
Active listening might take practice, but it’s worth every effort. When you’re present, empathetic, and engaged, you’re building a foundation of trust and understanding that can weather any storm.
So, next time your partner opens up, channel your inner Grandma Tala. Listen deeply, validate their feelings, and be the supportive presence they need. Who knows? You might just become the Wayfinder in their story.